Earning Informality: What Trust Really Looks Like in Leadership
There’s a moment in every great relationship, professional or personal, where things shift. The posture relaxes. The formality fades. And you move from “Sir” or “Ma’am” or titles to first names, shared laughs, and honest conversations.
In leadership, that shift doesn’t come from a job title. It’s earned.
Will Guidara, in his book Unreasonable Hospitality (a must read for policing leaders), says it best: “Earning informality is a sign of trust.” That kind of trust isn’t built in the formal rituals of leadership like the all-hands meetings or command staff updates. It’s built in the quiet, intentional moments when someone feels seen, heard, and valued.
In policing, we often focus on control. Precision. Chain of command. And yes, those things have their place. But great leadership is not rigid. It’s responsive. It’s human.
And it begins with presence.
The Power of Presence
Raymond Teller (of Penn & Teller fame) once said, “Sometimes magic is someone spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect.” In leadership, that magic happens when you stop rushing through your day, slow down, and actually notice the people around you.
Not just their productivity. Not just their reports or stats.
Their effort. Their stress. Their growth. Their need.
Being fully present means asking questions and waiting for the real answer. It means catching the tone in someone’s voice that says they’re not okay. It means celebrating progress, not just performance. And when you consistently show up that way, trust deepens. People open up. They bring their whole selves to the work. And eventually, formality fades . . . not out of disrespect, but because connection has taken its place.
What “Earning It” Looks Like in Real Life
For rising leaders, especially in policing, it’s easy to think your job is to command respect. But in truth, the best leaders earn respect by the way they lead with consistency and care.
It looks like:
- Taking 10 extra minutes after a call to check in, not check boxes
- Remembering something personal about your team, and bringing it up unprompted
- Giving someone the floor in a meeting…not because they asked, but because you know they have something to offer
- Showing up early to a briefing just to talk, not to inspect or direct
These small, unreasonable investments of time and attention send a powerful message: you matter. And that message builds trust stronger than any rank ever could.
Beyond Speeches
It’s not enough to speak about people. To praise their work during award ceremonies or performance reviews. Great leaders don’t just talk about their teams. They talk with them. Often. Informally. Authentically.
When you do that, something shifts. The walls come down. The tone changes. The trust deepens.
You’ll know you’ve earned it the day someone walks into your office, flops down in the chair, and says, “Hey, can I run something by you?”
That’s not disrespect. That’s relationship.
The Leadership Challenge
So here’s the challenge for every aspiring leader reading this:
Spend a little more time than anyone would reasonably expect.
Invest your presence.
Earn the informality.
Because the strongest teams in policing, the ones that weather the storm, adapt under pressure, and serve with heart, are led by those who understand that trust is built not through command, but through care.
And the leaders who earn that trust? They aren’t just respected.
They are remembered.
Keep leading. Keep listening. And keep earning it.